What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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