$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
