How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
