When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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