are you still at the devil's house?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
