That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
