My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
