He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
