white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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