I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
