Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
