we have pet lesbian snakes
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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