i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
