you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
