Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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