He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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