new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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