Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
