The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
