he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
