This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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