WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
In America we eat man semen.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
