hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
