i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
