May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
