An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
