You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I think I just shit out all my problems.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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