Michael Bay diarrhea
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
