Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
