The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
