I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Blood and glitter go together right?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
