make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I know her cup size but not her name....
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
