Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
