this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
