and my herpes radar will keep us safe
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
