I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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