I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
