I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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