I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
