i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
