Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
