Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Randomize
