you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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