I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
