in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
