when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Is Oprah even human
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
