I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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