Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Randomize
