Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
