he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
