You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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